英検準一級の面接の件です。 この4コマで、2分のnarrativeを作りました。 添削して、より良い文章にしても…

Question

英検準一級の面接の件です。

この4コマで、2分のnarrativeを作りました。
添削して、より良い文章にしてもらえませんか？

1One day, a woman went to a garbage dump. She saw wild crows are picking garbage bags. She was afraid to the wild crows.
2
After the garbage bags were collected by a garbge collector, there were many garbages that the wild crows littered. She cleaned the garbages on the road. She thought the garbage dump needed to upgrade to prevent the wild crows.
3
Several days later, the residents discussed the countermeasure of the wild crows. A man suggested a garbage collection box. A woman suggested a net for the garbage dumps.
They decided to build a garbage collection box.
4
Two weeks later, the garbage collection box was built. Wild crows could not pick garbage bags any more. Residents were satisfied with the new garbage dump.

Answer 1

添削例です。

One day, a woman goes to the trash collection point and sees wild crows pecking at the bags. The birds scare her.

Since the crows scatter the contents, there is a lot of garbage and trash left on the ground after the bags are picked up. As she sweeps the road clean of the trash, she thinks that the dump needs an upgrade to keep the crows away.

Several days later, when the residents gather to discuss the subject, a man suggests constructing a box to over the trash collection point, and a woman suggests covering the bags with a net.

The residents choose the box.

The box is installed in two weeks, preventing the crows from pecking at the bags. The residents are satisfied with the results.

＊ garbage（生ゴミ）と trash（ゴミ一般）は不可算名詞です。カラスが突いているのは garbage bags 特定でなくて trash bags 一概でしょう。dump は「埋立地」とか「処理場」（収集車がゴミを持ってゆく先）を指す言葉で、ゴミを出すところとは別物です。

＊このような「お話」は現在形でするのが普通です。

＊普通一般の「カラス」は野生動物ですから、いちいち wild をつける必要はありません。（何回も言われると聞いている方が嫌になります。最初の一回で充分以上！）

ご参考まで。

Answer 2

1コマ目
カラスを怖がっているのではなくて、カラスがごみを散らかしているから「大変だ！どうしよう！」と困惑している様子ではないですか？そういう構成にしないと2コマ目との整合性がつかなくなります。（カラスが怖いなら、2コマ目ではゴミ置いてそのまま逃げるなどするはず）