英検２級ライティングの英作文の添削、できれば採点もお願いします。 前回50%しかとれませんでした。 よろしくお願いし…

Question

英検２級ライティングの英作文の添削、できれば採点もお願いします。
前回50%しかとれませんでした。
よろしくお願いします。

ТОРІСToday, many restaurants in Japan have English displays on their menus. Do you think such restaurants will become more common in the future?
POINTS
• Cost
• Smartphone
• Tourist

回答

I think such restaurants will become more common in the future. I have two reasons. First, English displays on restaurants' menus enable foreign tourists to communicate with Japanese employees easily. As a result, the number of foreign visitors who want to visit these restaurants will increase, and what's more, these restaurants can earn much money. Second, people who come from abroad can onder a menu without using their smartphones.This is because they do not need to translate the menu which they want to order. For these reasons, I believe Japanese restaurants that have English displays on their menus will become more common in the future.

Answer 1

ものすご良く書けていると思います。

今後いつか準一級を受ける時のための参考として聞いて下さい。

文章間の流れをスムーズにさせるためにちょっとした言葉を加えることで１つ目と二つ目"Second"以降の理由が切り離されたものでは無く、繋がりを持たせたものになります。

First, English menus make it easier for international visitors to communicate with Japanese employees, increasing the number of tourists who visit these restaurants and boosting their revenue. <In addition to improving communication>, these menus allow foreign customers to order directly without using their smartphones, as they don't need to translate what they want to order.

「まず、英語のメニューがあることで、外国人観光客が日本の従業員と簡単にコミュニケーションを取れるようになり、これらのレストランを訪れる観光客の数が増え、収益が向上します。『コミュニケーションの向上に加えて』これらのメニューは外国人のお客様がスマートフォンを使わずに直接注文できるようにし、翻訳の必要がなくなります。」

でも元の文章は２級にしては良く出来ていると思います。

添削文

I believe such restaurants will become more common in the future for two main reasons. First, English menus make it easier for international visitors to communicate with Japanese employees. As a result, more foreign tourists will want to visit these restaurants, which will increase their earnings. Second, customers from abroad can order without using their smartphones because they won’t need to translate what they want to order. For these reasons, I believe Japanese restaurants with English menus will become more popular in the future.

Answer 2

100点、合格