英検ライティング準二級 採点お願いします つづりもみてくれると嬉しいです。 中2です

Question

英検ライティング準二級 採点お願いします
つづりもみてくれると嬉しいです。
中2ですDo you think it is good for students to work part time?

I don’t think it is good for students to work part time First they can’t have enough time to study Studying is more important than working. Second they don’t have to use money carefully. Learning money is very useful in future. If they can use a lot of money they can’t learn it.

厳しめにお願いします。

Answer 1

I don't think it is good for students to work part-time. First, they may not have enough time to study, and studying is more important than working. Second, they might not learn to manage money carefully. Acquiring financial skills is very useful in the future, and if they have access to a lot of money without learning how to manage it, it can be detrimental to their financial education.