不要では 専門の英語を活かして世界と関わる仕事がしたいと思い、志望しました、とでもいえばスッキリしませんかね。 冗長、重複する表現は避けた方がいいかと
I don't think your reason for choosing the job is necessary and not appealing to the interviewer because there may be a lot of applicants who majored a foreign language at a university, studied abroad and got 800 score on TOEIC l like you. And there are a lot of jobs that can involve the world other than trading industry. Also, whether your English skills of TOEIC 800 score can meet the demands of the job you want to get at a trading company is unknown. Even though you have gotten 800 score on TOEIC L&R, that is not usually meet the demand of the job. TOEIC L&R is just a simple game of selecting the best answer from the designated options of 200 questions within two hours. Even an elementary kid can get 800 score on TOEIC. Can you try answering my message in English?
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