英検準一級の添削お願いします(>_<) ●Write an essay on the given TOPIC.

Question

英検準一級の添削お願いします(>_<)

●Write an essay on the given TOPIC.●Use TWO of the POINTS below to support your answer.
●Structure: introduction, main body, and conclusion
●Suggested length: 120-150 words

TOPIC
Agree or disagree: Pet owners should be licensed.

POINTS
●Discarded pets
●Government interference
●Pet ownership skills
●Costs

I agree with the opinion that pet owners should be licensed.
I have two reasons why I think so.
To begin with, if pet owners do not have a license, they may abandon their pets.
The pet owners should take responsibility and give affection for their pets. So, I think the license is needed so that pets are not discarded, and their owners can raise them. In addition, pet keepers need to take courses given by vets or other animal specialists. They should take into pet ownership skills such as animal healthcare, pet training, and methods of preventing serious diseases. By doing so, the pet owner can live longer with their pets.
For the above reasons, it is a good idea for pet owners to have a license.

Answer 1

Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and supports it with relevant points. However, there are a few areas where the language and structure can be refined for better clarity. Here's a revised version:

I am in agreement with the idea that pet owners should be licensed, and I have two compelling reasons to support this view.

Firstly, without a license, pet owners might neglect their responsibilities, leading to the abandonment of their pets. Licensing ensures that owners take on the commitment to care for and provide affection to their pets. This regulation is crucial to prevent the unfortunate scenario of pets being discarded, allowing owners to raise them responsibly.

Additionally, obtaining a license should involve completing courses provided by veterinarians or animal specialists. These courses would equip pet owners with essential skills such as animal healthcare, pet training, and methods of preventing serious diseases. Through proper education, pet owners can enjoy a longer and healthier companionship with their pets.

In conclusion, the idea of licensing for pet owners is a commendable approach, ensuring responsible ownership and enhancing the well-being of both pets and their owners.